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more 9/11 talk...
OK, some more aftermath kinda ramblings out of me about the 9/11... then I'll shut up about this for awhile I promise you.
I was more or less in my apartment all day on 9/11/2001, watching the news and chatting with people online. One thing I noticed was that when a big event such as this happened in the U.S., television was definitely the preferred medium for "instant gratification" news updates... even if some of the info given out was not always accurate. News web sites were just being pounded, and couldn't keep up with the demand. The Internet was, however, a lifesaver for communicating peer-to-peer that day... I got in an improptu AIM chat room with friends from around the country and we shared updates and thoughts as events unfolded. I lived alone then, so if not for online chatting, I wouldn't have had anyone to talk to about what was going on. Even if I had called someone, or someone called me, I could've only spoken with one person at a time... it was good to talk in a group, even if it was just text chatting. No wonder even Grandmas who mainly use their computer for Solitaire love AIM!
I felt pretty rattled when I went to bed that night. I didn't know what kind of reactions we would see in the U.S., or of course what might happen next. For some reason one thing I did not expect was the outburst of patriotism. I walked past a flower shop every morning on my way to the train. The place was known to me chiefly as a joint that employed pretty young girls. I never really bought anything there or interacted with anyone, and I think that I had gone inside once and decided they were probably overpriced (not that I was much of a flower-shopper really). On the morning of 9/12, someone from the flower shop had drawn a simple U.S. flag on the chalkboard they put out in front of the store to advertise specials. This was the first public display of the flag I saw post 9/11, the first of many to come of course but... it made me feel so much better to see it. I took it as a sign that... we were all of us attacked, and we know that there is something here worth defending, and we will stand up to this. We will not just roll over on our back and pee on ourselves and say "Oh well we're rich and horrible and deserved this." To me the flag just became a simple visual shorthand of saying, I'm down with America. It didn't say "Let's go kill all the Muslims." It didn't say "My country right or wrong." It didn't say "Love it or leave it." It didn't say "Shave your legs and get a dress on missy." or even "Get a haircut and a job ya beatnik." It was just another way of saying we are in this together and I am standing up and saying, to quote a popular line of late "that the nation shall have a new birth of freedom, and that government of the people by the people for the people, shall not perish from the earth."
I was also surprisingly grateful to see the Sears Tower from the el station the next few mornings. Never liked tall buildings really, but....
Many nights I would lay in bed and start if I heard a jet pass overhead, or anything that sounded like gunfire outside. I would imagine the window above my bed shattering inward with the force of an explosion somewhere outside, or the blinding flash of some atomic explosion. Or just some street-level uprising. Nine million ways to die. All the crazy panic and fear, and so much to feed it. Brooding on the unthinkable, knowing I couldn't really comprehend what the reality would be like, knowing I wouldn't be fit to survive it.
In late October I went into New York City with a couple of friends. It seemed more quiet and empty, less intimidating maybe than I remembered. We visited the "Here Is New York" picture exhibit and I found myself getting angry all over again. The events of 9/11 still seemed beyond my ability to grasp... the total destruction of something as large as the WTC towers, the deaths of almost 3000 people... 4 jets crashed....
Some of my friendships were a little strained by discussions over 9/11 and possible responses to it. I found myself particularly frustrated with my Colorado friend Mike P.'s theories that this should be treated like a crime, and somehow investigative teams should be sent to wander Afghanistan and elsewhere, gathering evidence. Or if Bin Laden was guilty, then let SWAT teams or “secret agents” wander around there looking for there chance to capture or kill him. I dunno... I think Mike came from the knee-jerk, whatever the U.S. does is wrong school, but maybe his anti-War response was just deeper than my own.
Another change in perception occurred to me... that of the thought of the U.S. as a safe place, a refuge... take, for example, the Somalis living in Lewiston, Maine. The Somalis, fleeing their war-torn nation for the safe U.S. Well there is no such thing as perfect security but... suddenly there was a sense that the U.S. was undergoing some calculated siege. There was no safe place.
Hmmm well I thought I would meander on a ways here with these halfbaked observations but alas I was interrupted in my composing, and keep getting interrupted, so it's all compromised and lost now. Alas, alas for us all. There is someone here who has every right to keep talking to me, who tells me the conversation is done, so I go back to my silly journal entry, then they start talking again and get mad because I wasn't listening. This is a real no-win situation for us all, only getting deeper by the second. The comedy, the frustration. Laugh, cry, rage....
Anyway... further tragedies of the day that have come to light since 9/11… was Flight 93 shot down? How many NYC fireman died due to poor coordination of communication? It may augment the sense of tragedy, but to my mind does not detract a bit from the heroism and selflessness. I can't imagine going into the danger some people threw themselves at that day. As Katie Roiphe said, "We also have men who are willing to die for an idea."
I can still be very critical of the U.S. while championing the basic values and the quality of life… the general atmosphere of tolerance, and the the sense of a system where there is real opportunity and possibility. I am not going to give up what I view as essential freedoms… and certainly hope not to be reduced to the point where simple survival appears a worthy trade for freedom of worship, of speech, of the press, of assembly… basic privacy and property rights… the right to bear arms. Trial by jury probably and some of the other assumptions of our legal system....
I have seen Hussein likened to Stalin. I have seen Mugabe likened to Stalin. But what are our obligations, what is to be our response? Iraq is seen – and very credibly in my mind – as a threat to the U.S. Zimbabwe is not. But both allegedly suffer under totalitarian rulers. The Stalin comparisons seem to invariably come from someone with a political axe to grind, however. I have to admit I resent being told who to hate… I can despise on my own just fine, thank you… the anti-Iraq talk puts me mind of the Two Minutes Hates in 1984. And I don't know enough about Mugabe. Hell I don't really know enough about Hussein. Hmmm but do keep in mind regardless of what you think of Bush, by virtue of being the U.S. President, he does at the moment have access to information denied to you and I, information that could be driving some of the rhetoric.
OK well I apologize this was rambling and disjointed in my mind and present merciless circumstances aren't allowing me to hold onto a so-called thought long enough to clean it up any. Sigh. So frustrating. OK let's just pretend I got into the ether before writing this thing and forget that the whole mess ever came to be. Good night.
I was more or less in my apartment all day on 9/11/2001, watching the news and chatting with people online. One thing I noticed was that when a big event such as this happened in the U.S., television was definitely the preferred medium for "instant gratification" news updates... even if some of the info given out was not always accurate. News web sites were just being pounded, and couldn't keep up with the demand. The Internet was, however, a lifesaver for communicating peer-to-peer that day... I got in an improptu AIM chat room with friends from around the country and we shared updates and thoughts as events unfolded. I lived alone then, so if not for online chatting, I wouldn't have had anyone to talk to about what was going on. Even if I had called someone, or someone called me, I could've only spoken with one person at a time... it was good to talk in a group, even if it was just text chatting. No wonder even Grandmas who mainly use their computer for Solitaire love AIM!
I felt pretty rattled when I went to bed that night. I didn't know what kind of reactions we would see in the U.S., or of course what might happen next. For some reason one thing I did not expect was the outburst of patriotism. I walked past a flower shop every morning on my way to the train. The place was known to me chiefly as a joint that employed pretty young girls. I never really bought anything there or interacted with anyone, and I think that I had gone inside once and decided they were probably overpriced (not that I was much of a flower-shopper really). On the morning of 9/12, someone from the flower shop had drawn a simple U.S. flag on the chalkboard they put out in front of the store to advertise specials. This was the first public display of the flag I saw post 9/11, the first of many to come of course but... it made me feel so much better to see it. I took it as a sign that... we were all of us attacked, and we know that there is something here worth defending, and we will stand up to this. We will not just roll over on our back and pee on ourselves and say "Oh well we're rich and horrible and deserved this." To me the flag just became a simple visual shorthand of saying, I'm down with America. It didn't say "Let's go kill all the Muslims." It didn't say "My country right or wrong." It didn't say "Love it or leave it." It didn't say "Shave your legs and get a dress on missy." or even "Get a haircut and a job ya beatnik." It was just another way of saying we are in this together and I am standing up and saying, to quote a popular line of late "that the nation shall have a new birth of freedom, and that government of the people by the people for the people, shall not perish from the earth."
I was also surprisingly grateful to see the Sears Tower from the el station the next few mornings. Never liked tall buildings really, but....
Many nights I would lay in bed and start if I heard a jet pass overhead, or anything that sounded like gunfire outside. I would imagine the window above my bed shattering inward with the force of an explosion somewhere outside, or the blinding flash of some atomic explosion. Or just some street-level uprising. Nine million ways to die. All the crazy panic and fear, and so much to feed it. Brooding on the unthinkable, knowing I couldn't really comprehend what the reality would be like, knowing I wouldn't be fit to survive it.
In late October I went into New York City with a couple of friends. It seemed more quiet and empty, less intimidating maybe than I remembered. We visited the "Here Is New York" picture exhibit and I found myself getting angry all over again. The events of 9/11 still seemed beyond my ability to grasp... the total destruction of something as large as the WTC towers, the deaths of almost 3000 people... 4 jets crashed....
Some of my friendships were a little strained by discussions over 9/11 and possible responses to it. I found myself particularly frustrated with my Colorado friend Mike P.'s theories that this should be treated like a crime, and somehow investigative teams should be sent to wander Afghanistan and elsewhere, gathering evidence. Or if Bin Laden was guilty, then let SWAT teams or “secret agents” wander around there looking for there chance to capture or kill him. I dunno... I think Mike came from the knee-jerk, whatever the U.S. does is wrong school, but maybe his anti-War response was just deeper than my own.
Another change in perception occurred to me... that of the thought of the U.S. as a safe place, a refuge... take, for example, the Somalis living in Lewiston, Maine. The Somalis, fleeing their war-torn nation for the safe U.S. Well there is no such thing as perfect security but... suddenly there was a sense that the U.S. was undergoing some calculated siege. There was no safe place.
Hmmm well I thought I would meander on a ways here with these halfbaked observations but alas I was interrupted in my composing, and keep getting interrupted, so it's all compromised and lost now. Alas, alas for us all. There is someone here who has every right to keep talking to me, who tells me the conversation is done, so I go back to my silly journal entry, then they start talking again and get mad because I wasn't listening. This is a real no-win situation for us all, only getting deeper by the second. The comedy, the frustration. Laugh, cry, rage....
Anyway... further tragedies of the day that have come to light since 9/11… was Flight 93 shot down? How many NYC fireman died due to poor coordination of communication? It may augment the sense of tragedy, but to my mind does not detract a bit from the heroism and selflessness. I can't imagine going into the danger some people threw themselves at that day. As Katie Roiphe said, "We also have men who are willing to die for an idea."
I can still be very critical of the U.S. while championing the basic values and the quality of life… the general atmosphere of tolerance, and the the sense of a system where there is real opportunity and possibility. I am not going to give up what I view as essential freedoms… and certainly hope not to be reduced to the point where simple survival appears a worthy trade for freedom of worship, of speech, of the press, of assembly… basic privacy and property rights… the right to bear arms. Trial by jury probably and some of the other assumptions of our legal system....
I have seen Hussein likened to Stalin. I have seen Mugabe likened to Stalin. But what are our obligations, what is to be our response? Iraq is seen – and very credibly in my mind – as a threat to the U.S. Zimbabwe is not. But both allegedly suffer under totalitarian rulers. The Stalin comparisons seem to invariably come from someone with a political axe to grind, however. I have to admit I resent being told who to hate… I can despise on my own just fine, thank you… the anti-Iraq talk puts me mind of the Two Minutes Hates in 1984. And I don't know enough about Mugabe. Hell I don't really know enough about Hussein. Hmmm but do keep in mind regardless of what you think of Bush, by virtue of being the U.S. President, he does at the moment have access to information denied to you and I, information that could be driving some of the rhetoric.
OK well I apologize this was rambling and disjointed in my mind and present merciless circumstances aren't allowing me to hold onto a so-called thought long enough to clean it up any. Sigh. So frustrating. OK let's just pretend I got into the ether before writing this thing and forget that the whole mess ever came to be. Good night.
Hrm...
Re: Hrm...
no subject
I guess in a morbid sort of way I am lucky. I never saw the US as a safe place. I've lived in neighborhoods where you could get killed by gang crossfire or knifed by an angry mugger on crack. Freaks within our own country like Tim McVeigh and the Unabomber and all the militias up here in the Eastern part of WA and Idaho where anti-governmnet extremists stockpile arsenals and are just waiting to snap.
But if I think back to how I felt when I was a little kid and I thought my home had a magical sense of safety to it - then when my dad got really violent that magical sense of safety was shattered and everything seemed like it came crashing down ... when I think that's what some people are going through because of this particular terrorist attack I can empathize a lot more. That is a huge and devastating lesson in reality that's hard to recover from. But in the end, it does make one stronger.
no subject
I think I kinda know what you mean about the perception of safety... and yeah I would say it sounds like in a mixed way you were lucky... you had a more clear view than many, you know? But I am just thinking here in terms of your awareness, not of any bad experiences you might have had, or almost had, which is a whole different thing I guess.