Earth vs. the Spider: The Final Conflict?

[squamous]

Stopped by the apartment tonight and found the mailbox nearly full of mail, mostly junk mail. Perched atop the mail was my new nemesis, the jumbo wolf spider. I thought I saw yet another chance to extract the spider by pulling out junk mail but... as soon as I touched a flyer it was on, it vanished in a blink. Sigh. I kept carefully extracting mail items and dropping them on the wooden porch... inspecting each... then suddenly... there it was, splayed at my feet, either dazed or disgusted. We regarded one another for a moment then I realized I outweighed it by some astronomical factor and had shoes on. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Soon it was curled up and potentially dead - although I wasn't sure. I kicked the remains from the porch. Hopefully it will take the message and not return.

Now, I know that spiders are supposed to be good, but this one was inhabiting my mailbox and gunking everything up. Plus how long til I came home to a mailbox full of wolf spider babies? *shudder* And the chance of having it GET ON ME or come into my apartment and scare me was just too great. My apologies to the enlightened out there, I am just not that good. If we could've made some treaty where it agreed to stop getting garbage on my mail, and refrain from entering my apartment or coming into contact with me at any time, peaceful co-existence might have been an option. Alas it was not to be.

As an aside, I was intrigued that every female I spoke to about this recommended some or another method of torching the spider. The ladies don't mess around!

Hmmm I am gonna be twitchy and jumpy til winter comes and kills off or otherwise drives away all the bugs around this joint. I'm pathetic. Imagine the book I will write the next time I accidentally run over a raccoon or something.