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I got a smile for everyone I meet
Dec. 31st, 2002 03:05 pmToday, I am 34 years old.
I suppose I might get into a reflective (it looks like moping, but it's not really, except when it is) mood on my birthday regardless of what day of the year my birthday fell on. Having a birthday on the last day of the year though is kind of a double whammy. You look back on your calendar year, and you look back on the past year of your life at the same time (it is convenient). You make plans for the year to come. Also, sometimes, there is a party. A whammy is by no means always a bad thing.
I feel very uncertain about where I am at the moment in life... yet I really can't complain. Entirely too much of my life seems to have consisted of a nervous search for a sense of security... a retreat to some imagined unassailable ground from which I could turn and really engage with the world. Naturally, I was engaging with the world the whole time, whatever I thought I was really doing. A more direct strategy may be required.
I have no idea what will go on in the new year, or if I am ready for any of it. There's always change, so I will hope for good change. I have to admit that there is a lot going on in the world at the moment that I find depressing. Maybe it's just my mood, or a matter of where my attention has been. I of course have various "resolutions" for myself, which sort of boil down to trying be more the person I want to be in the new year, buckling down ya know?
Hmmm but at the moment I want to kind of take a nap before this evening.
I suppose I might get into a reflective (it looks like moping, but it's not really, except when it is) mood on my birthday regardless of what day of the year my birthday fell on. Having a birthday on the last day of the year though is kind of a double whammy. You look back on your calendar year, and you look back on the past year of your life at the same time (it is convenient). You make plans for the year to come. Also, sometimes, there is a party. A whammy is by no means always a bad thing.
I feel very uncertain about where I am at the moment in life... yet I really can't complain. Entirely too much of my life seems to have consisted of a nervous search for a sense of security... a retreat to some imagined unassailable ground from which I could turn and really engage with the world. Naturally, I was engaging with the world the whole time, whatever I thought I was really doing. A more direct strategy may be required.
I have no idea what will go on in the new year, or if I am ready for any of it. There's always change, so I will hope for good change. I have to admit that there is a lot going on in the world at the moment that I find depressing. Maybe it's just my mood, or a matter of where my attention has been. I of course have various "resolutions" for myself, which sort of boil down to trying be more the person I want to be in the new year, buckling down ya know?
Hmmm but at the moment I want to kind of take a nap before this evening.
